This Is How I Feel Most Days

But to you, I wear a smile.

Everyone keeps leaning, needing,


Sweet, Miss Dependable

Me. It’s my own fault. I love the loving

Like those in need of affection love lovers.

They inhale love.

Steal, ravish and consume it,

Quenching their thirst.

I’m afraid.

My heart has nurtured to the extent that it hungers.

Unloved, but still loving.

My love is volatile, leaking.

I have given in dangerous measures.

Still, I’m unlovable.

I will not cave! No, not I!

Bartender,  pour me another.

But to you, I wear a smile.

I am an addict and my heart is my dealer.

Toxins flow straight to my veins.

They still linger.

Secret poison to escape my hatred.

My own words betray me.

My strength’s a facade.

I’ll break. I will crumble.

I do break.

Like fine china on pavement,

I’ve broken.

Unloved, but still loving.

Bartender, pour me another.

I grab the mic and take a drink,

Sing, wave and take my bow.

Still, unbelieving and hollow.

But to you, I wear a smile.

If Making The Elderly Vulnerable To Bullying Is Our Solution – We’re In Trouble

‘I AM A BULLY’ sign-holder calls sentence unfair after a judge rules for him hold a sign while sitting on the side of the road, seen by any onlooker and exploited by the media.

I disagree.

I understand the intention behind this ruling. I just do not agree with it.

Whether we like it or not, whether we agree with it, and even if we think they deserve everything that comes at them, criminals still have rights! Mean, thoughtless, senseless, hateful and harmful people, still have rights!

As a nation, we seem to have adopted an attitude of  “they deserve it,” while at the same time abandoning a justice system of which we claim to be proud.

We forget that personal opinion has no bearing in a court of law. 

We’ve stopped supporting the very foundation of our freedoms and our rights. Meanwhile, statements such as, “What a lowlife. Who picks on kids with disabilities? He got what he deserves” echo throughout the news feed.

Not just in this case, but even those concerning our children! If legal matters were meant to be handled outside the written law, why do our laws exist?

Laws exist to protect the people.

According to the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services,

The Ohio Revised Code (ORC) defines “abuse” as infliction upon an adult by self or others of injury, unreasonable confinement, intimidation or cruel punishment with resulting physical harm, pain, or mental anguish.

Furthermore, they go on to define emotional abuse as occurring:

When a person is threatened, humiliated, intimidated or otherwise psychologically hurt. —Ohio, Adult Protective Services (APS)

Was this man threatened? I wonder if drivers/passengers that passed by yelled out crude things to him. How do we know whether or not threats were among them?

Was this man humiliated? Yes, he was.

Was he intimidated? Yes, he was. We can see him with his head hung, as he exploits himself in public because a trusted Judge (who is also there to protect his rights) has ordered him to do so, as a probation officer stayed close by to ensure that he did as he was ordered to do. Yes, intimidation was a factor.

Lastly, was this man psychologically hurt? In his own words, “The judge destroyed me.” Yes, of course, he was!

We either stand behind our laws or we don’t.

APS guidelines are present to protect citizens that are the age of sixty or older.

If that was my loved one, I would have been outraged. What if that was your father or mother, husband or wife, grandma or grandpa?

I bet many of the people who are so easily supporting this verdict would think differently if it was one of their family members holding that sign and exposed to such humiliation and possible harm.

What perplexes me the most is why we are not questioning how our justice system failed to assist the family that was victimized by Aviv’s actions. Fifteen years of harassment and they are just now taking action. Yet the courts have documented reports of his behavior?

I am more upset that law enforcement has not intervened before this point.

We view his actions as beyond horrible because they transpired for 15 years and readers are enraged that the victims were disabled.

Personally, I’m upset for the mother who did not get help before now. I am upset for the children that suffered so long because no action was taken on their behalf.

Why do we seek to throw rocks at the criminal but not also question how this type of bullying is allowed for fifteen years?

Now what?

After his jail time, Aviv will walk the streets alone and exploited, and there will not be a corrections officer by his side, or anyone to protect him! He will face the world in fear. He will become a potential victim now that he has been publicly and nationally labeled as a “bully that picks on disabled children” and described as “intolerant” of anyone different from him.

Those are strong and provoking words, and they were carefully articulated by the judge. All this sentence did was make someone else a target and put this elderly man’s safety and well-being at risk over a charge of misdemeanor disorderly conduct.

It’s unacceptable.

After winning the election for city’s municipal court judge, Judge Byers (who made this ruling) said,

I was surprised, pleasantly. I was also reminded of how awesome and important the job ahead of me is. I’m humbled by the opportunity to serve the people of South Euclid —Jeff Piorkowski, 2011, via Sun News

I would say she failed one person with this case.

No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.

Article 5 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights is exactly what was violated in Aviv’s case. “But he’s a ‘monster’ that bullied disabled children”  you might reason and rationalize in an attempt to feel like true justice was served! But his actions do not take away his rights. Article 2 states, “Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of a kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status.”

Everyone means everyone.

Have we really become so full of hatred and discontented that we are willing to abandon the right for all Americans to be treated with dignity and respect?

More importantly, will we be willing to stand behind that decision in the years to come as our society becomes more reckless and more dangerous every day?

We walk a fine line when we begin to let our emotions rule our thinking and become comfortable with small acts that violate our basic human rights, simply because our anger tells us justice can only be achieved through revenge, humiliation or degradation.

Wake up, America! The world we create today is the world our children have to live in tomorrow.

Get behind the laws that are there to protect us or raise your voice to change them!

But do not continue to allow our rights to be trampled on and dismissed!

“United we stand, divided we fall!”

I Wouldn’t Change A Thing

I was half asleep while skimming my Facebook news feed and feeding my 8-month-old daughter when I ran across this quote:

The truth is, if I had to do it all over again, there’s no way in hell that I would.

I have always said I’d never go back.

The simplest explanation being that if it wasn’t a fun ride the first time, chances of it improving a second time around are just as slim.

I’ll admit, I am a mess even on my good days. I don’t always thrive at social graces. I haven’t found Mr. Right nor have I planned a dream wedding. My two-bedroom, two-bathroom, apartment seems overly crowded with just a small puppy and my daughter. I have no white picket fence around my house. I’m still chasing that “American Dream.”

In high school, when I imagined myself at age 31, (trust me) this is not how I imagined my life!

I am, undoubtedly, not the person onlookers believe I should be. I tend to have a flair for advocating on controversial issues and I don’t mind ruffling a few feathers. I have always loved a good debate! I make sure to avoid taking the opinions of others to heart. I acquire my wisdom through a wide variety of people and one hell of a life.

You won’t find all my ducks in a row here. I must confess, I let them float unaligned.

I have always been an out-of-the-box thinker. I am constantly misunderstood. My life isn’t some meticulously painted masterpiece. It’s more of a canvas decorated with a paintball gun, smears of glue and glitter.

I am different from the average norm in 9512 different ways, but guess what?

I’m okay with that!

What is also different about me (extraordinary, I like to think), abnormal some may say, is:  my perspective on life, the extent to which I love, my compassion, my determination and my strength. In those areas, I am more than just another middle-aged single mother and college student, who doesn’t quite have it together. Those characteristics were polished by every minute of my past, regardless if cherished or better forgotten.

Every breath of my history is what shaped my becoming and stirs my passion. Who would I be without that?

I firmly believe all our spiritual and cosmic threads are intricately woven together, bound at points and welded in others and interconnected. I could not change my life without changing someone else’s. What if that someone else was a life I unknowingly touched?

Life isn’t some mysterious puzzle waiting to be solved, framed and hung on the wall. It’s unpredictable, messy, short, beautifully tragic and sticky. Make sure not to spend so much time searching for yourself, that you neglect to embrace all things that you aren’t!

Like me, if should find you’re not “normal” as society has defined for all of us, be proud and own it. The world could use a few more extraordinary people!

This morning, as I looked into my daughter’s bright green eyes, I thought:

“Hell no, I wouldn’t go back!”

Life is a mere collection of moments, a vague memory of yesterdays and hope-filled desires for tomorrows yet to come.

The truth is that if I had a chance to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a single thing, not one!