It’s Bullshit

I walk with confidence at night and red cheeks the next day, but that’s okay, The world will forget me.

Make another joke, take another drink, pretend not to give a fuck what they think, It’s bullshit.

Self-esteem wasted like hope, beauty laced into the eyes of my soul, I can’t see.

Outside the sun bleeds and the birds are calling. I never hear them sing anymore. Damned up behind a closed door like my hands don’t work and I and I can’t find my feet.

It’s bullshit, neighbors with two-story houses, white picketed fences and golden dreams. Look at me.

She plays right by the side of the street, with no exit, her looking like love and clinging to me, what the hell does she see?

Mama, you did this me. It’s bullshit.

I need god to come help me find a way out, but I guess he’s been busy for thirty damn years now. Same as me.

Lost in this heat, dusting my knees, praying out,
“Please come and save us!”

Waiting for Him to love me. It’s bullshit.

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I Lie

Stephanie Bennett-Henry

I never meant to make you sad. It was never my intention to spread my pain thick into your blood stream until it came up hard enough to choke you. I didn’t want to twist your words into a puzzle that rendered you speechless, but I did. I did that. And I’m so sorry. I only wanted you to understand. I only needed you to walk in my shoes long enough to know that this pain is as real as yours is not. This pain.. I know it’s mine, I know. But understand, it’s as real as your happiness. I’m not exaggerating. I am not trying to be dramatic. I’m not testing the waters of crazy to see if I can make the biggest waves. I am not competing here. And yes… sometimes my heart, it splits open, it spills over, it falls out. I cannot contain all of what…

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We Were Oil In Water

We stood against the waves, you and me
Faced hurricanes down on our knees like we were thirsting for water
Balled fists and bruised knees, we wouldn’t sink
We were oil in water

We held revenge in our hands, you and me
Bedridden with trauma, praying to doctors for compassionate release
Damn this terminal grief
Balled fists and bruised knees, we wouldn’t sink
We were oil in water

Now I see the light is gone, sister
Gone in you and me
Lost in darkness and fire, and the demons are screaming.
I don’t know
Damn this terminal need for the love we can’t breathe
I hear sin calling to me
Balled fists and bruised knees, we wouldn’t sink
We were oil in water

I don’t know if you’ve seen the same hope as me, but I’m hungry and my arms are tired
Hungry for life I crave for you, I crave for me
And they pray
They pray to a god they can’t see, and we scream for miracles we can’t feel

But we don’t reach, you and me
Lifejackets and boats, dead lighthouses with no ropes
Balled fists and bruised knees, we won’t sink
We are oil in water

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