Take Your ‘#MeToo’ and Shove It

The day I was raped was the first time I wore a jean skirt. OMG, I was so excited. Was that the case with you, too?

It was up against my green Firebird, just after eight o’clock. It was beginning to get dark. He pushed me against the car, whispered in my ear, and looked behind him to make sure he had an audience. I swear I saw my head go through the window. Was that the case with you, too?

And when he was done, I’m not sure how I got home. But I remember his smile. I said “I’m okay” for two days. I tried to scrub him off my skin in scolding hot showers. Was that the case with you, too?

For nine years, I couldn’t even say the word “rape.” He took away every success I would ever achieve. He destroyed me. He still owns my legs! Is. that. the. case. with. you. too?!

I am ashamed. I am enraged, watching the world minimize my rape as if it is just a number; as if I am just another name on a page. As if every rape is exactly the same.

Do you think the numbers aren’t out there? Do you think men and women don’t know rape is almost like a handshake these days? Here we are posting #MeToo because it’s the next viral tag stamped on our pain. And the alleged victims who indirectly inspired this tag, can you tell me their names? Don’t you dare Google! Are you listening?

Can you say “Me, too?” Am I making you angry? What does my rapist look like? Did you forget?! Did you forget how it felt when you told your best friend, mother, or sister? Maybe you wrote a poem or a blog and shared it online, did you forget?

Did you forget how it felt when all you were trying to do is find your way back to yourself and when you needed support, when you needed to be heard, the world shouted, “Me, too!” And shared every detail of their rapes with you as if somehow that pain would keep your head above water? Did you forget?

Because I still have nights I can’t close my eyes and I would risk my own life to avoid seeing his face in my dreams. I have days I can’t take the weight of every way I’ve been violated. I violate myself just to cover the scars! And you don’t get to say, “Me, too.” You don’t get to make me feel reduced…

Unless you can name where they are.

When topics like this start trending on social media, it can be overwhelming for survivors. This is the rant of a survivor in the heat of it all. It is not an effort to discredit to #MeToo Movement. We all heal differently.

If you’ve been a victim of sexual assault and you are struggling, please reach out to the National Sexual Assault Hotline, 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE). Your rape did not happen to the rest of the world. It happened to you. 

26 thoughts on “Take Your ‘#MeToo’ and Shove It

  1. Reblogged this on The Journey Back to Myself and commented:

    I understand your pain. I am one of those that started advocating for myself after I saw my fellow veterans testifying on Capital Hill. I am one of those that have gotten so pissed off at society for excusing, protecting, allowing this to happen over and over again. I am one of those that got pissed off and wanted my story to be heard after the bastard that raped me sent me an email and NCIS still did nothing. I am one of those that got pissed off, wrote a book and poem about what happened to me since the Department of Defense, Senate, House and President can not do a damn thing to end rape.

    By writing my truth, sharing what they did to me is my way of healing. I am sorry if I have triggered any survivor by sharing details of what they did to me. It’s my way of healing and I will not apologize for that. We all heal in our own way.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for this. That’s exactly what it’s about helping us all feel like we’re not alone. I had some rude things to say but im not going to because if you have nothing nice to say don’t say it but what i will say is all this blog made it seem like is “I’m a special victim Me me me me me” the exact opposite of what metoo is supposed to represent, unity. And in no way shape or form was metoo ever intended to tell people how to deal with their emotions… I dont even see how it could be taken this way… there’s two types of people in the world, victims and survivors I prefer to be a survivor and stand with the women who also see themselves as survivors not the women who find the need to stamp their feet against such a positive movement because somehow they’re offended. Guess I did get a little rude… sorry but this blog really made me shake my head.

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    • “I don’t see how it could even be taken this way.”

      So, you must think all rape survivors are the same? Do you really think no other survivor in the world feels this way? Do you think there are not those of out there who heard “me too” when we were looking for support and finally ready to share our story? Do you think you are the only rape victim and the way the world is responding right now is the ONLY way rape victims might respond to this hashtag? Do you? Because I haven’t put ONE single person down or stood in the way of their stories. But listen to you! Listen to your judgement of my pain. You feel better? Did this help you heal from your rape?

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  3. I am sorry you experienced rape, it should not have happened, it was not your fault, I believe you, I too am a rape survivor. I read this and the rage you felt was palpable, valid and you are allowed to express it. I am sorry the me too campaign triggered you. I hope you get some peace during this time. And if there is backlash for this piece, as I am sure there was, please know that not all of us will agree on how to feel after trauma like what we have experienced, we all do it differently, and I would like to lend you support in how you choose to deal with yours. You are stronger than this experience it does not define you, you define you.

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  4. Unfortunately the best, and often the only way to reach the vast population is through social media. It was never meant to minimize the individual experience of any woman, but to stand in solidarity, saying No More. So many women do not say anything, they suffer in silence because they think they are alone or they are ashamed. This is a movement to take away the stigma, to shed light in the severity and depth of this crisis, and give a safe outlet to share, even if it is just the hashtag. The more it is shared, the more power is taken away from the assaulters and rapists and given to the women. I shared, and the incredible power I felt in posting it was really healing. No one is forcing anyone to share, but it seems like everyone is supporting those who do.

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  5. This month I finally felt the courage to explain what happened to me without crying.. It has been almost a decade.. I wrote metoo with a rush of courage not feeling ashamed for once.. No one will tell me either how to deal with it just like i wont tell anyone else how to deal with a social media trend.. Because no one is the same

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    • This month, I finally had the courage to talk about this rape for the second time in public. I didn’t tell anyone how to share their story. I didn’t discourage the movement. In fact, every time this blog is shared, it supports the movement. It’s been shared, with real help attached, more than 1K times now. And after having the courage to talk about my rape in the same rush you felt when you shared yours… I’ve read and taken in horrible words from “survivors” who are angry I didn’t get my story out in the same pretty, non-angry way they did. I’m proud of you for sharing your story. I truly am. But I don’t believe this tag offers the support it was intended to offer and I have very good reasons for feeling that way. I feel like what I have to say, what any survivor has to say, matters.

      Liked by 1 person

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