Take Your ‘#MeToo’ and Shove It

The day I was raped was the first time I wore a jean skirt. OMG, I was so excited. Was that the case with you too?

It was up against my green Firebird, just after eight o’clock. It was beginning to get dark. He pushed me against the car, whispered in my ear, and looked behind him to make sure he had an audience. I swear I saw my head go through the window. Was that the case with you too?

And when he was done, I’m not sure how I got home. But I remember his smile. I said “I’m okay” for two days. I tried to scrub him off my skin in scolding hot showers. Was that the case with you too?

For nine years, I couldn’t even say the word “rape.” He took away every success I would ever achieve. He destroyed me. He still owns my legs! Is. that. the. case. with. you. too?!

I am ashamed. I am enraged, watching the world minimize my rape as if it is just a number; as if I am just another name on a page. As if every rape is exactly the same.

Do you think the numbers aren’t out there? Do you think men and women don’t know rape is almost like a handshake these days? Here we are posting #MeToo because it’s the next viral tag stamped on our pain. And the alleged victims who indirectly inspired this tag, can you tell me their names? Don’t you dare Google! Are you listening?

Can you say “Me too?” Am I making you angry? What does my rapist look like? Did you forget?! Did you forget how it felt when you told your best friend, mother, or sister? Maybe you wrote a poem or a blog and shared it online, did you forget?

Did you forget how it felt when all you were trying to do is find your way back to yourself and when you needed support, when you needed to be heard, the world shouted, “Me too!” And shared every detail of their rapes with you as if somehow that pain would keep your head above water? Did you forget?

Because I still have nights I can’t close my eyes and I would risk my own life to avoid seeing his face in my dreams. I have days I can’t take the weight of every way I’ve been violated. I violate myself just to cover the scars! And you don’t get to say, “Me too.” You don’t get to make me feel reduced…

Unless you can name where they are.

When topics like this start trending on social media, it can be overwhelming for survivors. If you’ve been a victim of sexual assault and you are struggling, please reach out to the National Sexual Assault Hotline, 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE).

Your rape did not happen to the rest of the world. It happened to you.

22 thoughts on “Take Your ‘#MeToo’ and Shove It

  1. This month I finally felt the courage to explain what happened to me without crying.. It has been almost a decade.. I wrote metoo with a rush of courage not feeling ashamed for once.. No one will tell me either how to deal with it just like i wont tell anyone else how to deal with a social media trend.. Because no one is the same

    Like

    • This month, I finally had the courage to talk about this rape for the second time in public. I didn’t tell anyone how to share their story. I didn’t discourage the movement. In fact, every time this blog is shared, it supports the movement. It’s been shared, with real help attached, more than 1K times now. And after having the courage to talk about my rape in the same rush you felt when you shared yours… I’ve read and taken in horrible words from “survivors” who are angry I didn’t get my story out in the same pretty, non-angry way they did. I’m proud of you for sharing your story. I truly am. But I don’t believe this tag offers the support it was intended to offer and I have very good reasons for feeling that way. I feel like what I have to say, what any survivor has to say, matters.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am really sorry that you had to go through something like that. No amount of reassurance could make you feel better. But, I do hope that some day you realize that it was not your fault and you are much more than what happened to you.
    As far as #metoo is concerned, it is very heartening to see so many people finally getting the courage to cone forward and speak about what they’ve been though because they know they’re not alone. It’s not a consolation, it’s a support to help you speak up.

    Liked by 1 person

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