I wanted to know what would happen if I just started writing. So I started this blog at home… on Facebook.
I thought maybe if I took the pressure off and just wrote like I always do, maybe I’d write something brilliant. We’ll know if that worked at the end, I suppose.
Funny how brilliance defines us.
More like, we define it. Two years ago, I was just a blogger. Then, I got published and I was a “writer.” That’s when the stress began.
Every blog post became something more than what I ever intended it to be. I started worrying about daily trending news and over thinking every single word I used and trying to make every post something… brilliant.
But I wasn’t a writer. I was barely a blogger! Then, I became a non-writing writer who got the non-writing blues, and my blog fell silent.
I mean, how could I possibly post if it wasn’t HuffPost material? Not that I’ve made it there yet.
But I set my bar for brilliance.
I set it too high. You know the high I’m talking about, right? Just high enough for people to encourage you not to give up, but not high enough you can reach it. And you know the whole time, but you still reach. You still try. Why? You reach for brilliance.
But you follow the same steps the whole world has tried.
No one achieves greatness by coloring inside the lines!
So I thought, what if I stopped trying to write? What if the news stayed unwatched? What if I just slowed down to capture the words floating all around me?
Like this morning, 8am, sun rising through the clouds and peeking through my not-so-effective blackout curtains, I rolled over in bed, to the beautiful face of my daughter.
She was sound asleep with the blankets pulled tight. And I didn’t want to wake her (come on, I’m a single mom!), but I just had to capture the moment.
I put my hand around her little fingers and I drew her close to my side. She sighed. Still sound asleep, with a smile, and then she wrapped her hand around mine.
All this time trying to write a beautiful blog, while missing the beauty beside me the whole time.
I woke up this morning in yesterday’s T-shirt, with matted hair and my kid by my side. And I thought maybe I’d just write about what comes to mind.
How could I think about anything else? She’s the beautiful part of my life. She make every day, any pain, the hard times, the broke times and the sleep deprivation, worth it.
She has my eyes. She always wears a smile. She’s gorgeous. Now… I don’t know much about writing, but I know this…
She’s every ounce of brilliance I’ll ever find.