I frequently find myself lost in thought, especially late at night. 2 a.m. and 3 a.m. greet me as if they were lovers and I am merely the muse that inspires their late night frenzy of seemingly pointless banter.
My life has come down to “Dear Diary . . .” moments, insomnia-driven rambles and twenty different social network connections. (Just in case I missed someone on one network, there are four others to help bridge the gap!)
It could be said that my most intimate relationship, outside of the internet, is the one I have with my computer. It’s official. I have become my mother. Content keeping people at a distance and content with not truly connecting or living.
We take life for granted.
I’m a master at quick wit and deflection. I write my racing thoughts out as if I’ve meticulously strung them together and lead others to perceive me as passionately motivated, poetic and wise.
It sounds so much better than anxiety-driven, compulsively introspective, sleep-deprived, scattered, opinionated, stubborn, and one hell of a mess!
Therefore, I do what we all do:
Paint what the world wants to see.
As we become the cultured artists that we were inevitably destined to become and meticulously decorate our canvases; as we develop our artistry to a perfection and sharpen our skills with each side of ourselves we create, sign, frame and hang on our walls—
Here’s my question:
Are we living?
Or have we grown content with our established routine of merely existing and simply being alive?
The words of a friend linger heavy on my heart. Live — the word that has ferociously haunted my thoughts for six months, as if to suggest that there is an emergent need for the action of living. It’s not a passing late night thought. It roars loudly in my mind, demanding in its urgency and attention.
How did it escape me that there is a difference between the heart beating, blood pumping, physical act of being alive, and actually grabbing life by the reigns and pursuing it full throttle, inhibitions aside, as if you were dying tomorrow?
How did it escape me that we are dying! From the very minute we were born, we began the process of death.
We cuddle with our mediocrity by choice; embracing a pedestrian life and settling for average success, love and aspiration, as if an exceptional and passion filled life is a fairytale or dream that can’t be achieved.
We use our boundaries and our comfort zones as an excuse to avoid laborious work, arduous emotions and real changes—pain. We are the masters of guarding our heart.
We stay at our dead-end jobs. We settle for unreciprocated love. We cater to our loveless marriages. We learn to make excuses and justify why changes are futile and impossible for our lives.
When, really, it’s as simple as this:
Choose to live your life differently. Extraordinary living is not freely given. It’s decided and often comes with a price. Invest.
Don’t hit repeat the same old song and nurse the same old wounds. Don’t cry familiar tears and flirt with average living while desperately clinging on to a casual, discontent life.
That is not living.
It’s taking complacency by the hand each day and making love to it each night.
Life is like a logarithmic equation still in the process of resolve. If you want a different result, you have to raise the base. In the equation of fully living life to the fullest, the answer will always be X.
You decide what fills that spot.
Stop taking life, opportunities, people and love, for granted. Live passionately & fiercely without reserve.
Pursue your life, love, dreams, curiosities and desires, with determination and drive. Get excited about your life! Because while you’re squandering your ambition, dragging your feet and wasting your time standing in the same boring spot . . .
Someone who wanted to live just died, and another heart stopped.
You’re still reading this blog.